


THE HIGH PRIESTESS

by Imandra_Pipkin



Series: Shadowhunter Tarot [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), malec - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Immobility, Lies, M/M, Mortality, Shadowhunters Tarot Challenge - No. 3 - THE HIGH PRIESTESS, Trust, Truth, soul sword
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23250535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imandra_Pipkin/pseuds/Imandra_Pipkin
Summary: If you have the right friends, you don't need much more.  Except for the love of your life. But sometimes even that is not easy.
Relationships: Jem Carstairs/Tessa Gray, Magnus Bane & Tessa Gray, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Series: Shadowhunter Tarot [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718071
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18
Collections: Shadowhunters Tarot Challenge





	THE HIGH PRIESTESS

**Author's Note:**

> A figure walks across water, causing ripples to expand out from their footsteps. A trail of half-eaten pomegranates float along in their wake in the light of a waning moon. Persephone in the darkness of the Underworld, awaiting her moment to rise into the light with all the knowledge she has gained.
> 
> The High Priestess brings balance to the Magician. Sometimes action is not always the best course, and it takes wisdom to know when to hold back, weigh your options, and gather your strength. The High Priestess is that wisdom, looking within yourself to find the answers, to trust in your own intuition. You don’t need the advice of those around you. You already know the truth. That certainty is power, and when we doubt ourselves or dismiss those gut instincts, we reject the power the High Priestess offers us. She heightens our awareness of hidden information, and we would be fools to turn away from that. Trust your gut.

"Will you ever forgive him, Magnus?"

"I don't know yet, Tessa." Magnus sighed. "Probably, yes. I think I can forgive him at some point. But whether I can forget it is another matter entirely."

Magnus sipped at his second martini. He had mixed the drinks after Tessa showed up outside his door unannounced. He didn't know how she knew that he was in need of someone with an objective attitude to the recent events. He was glad that she was there, that she listened to him, just as he has been there for her countless times. He had a very long, really long friendship with Tessa Gray.

He could say the same about Catarina, Raphael or Ragnor. But to each of them he had a different kind of friendship that was no less valuable to him.

He could always rely on Catarina. She was a great support to him in the Warlock community and was also firmly rooted in the mundane world as a nurse. What you couldn't say about every warlock.

Raphael was like a son to him. Ragnor and he had practically raised him. Magnus missed Ragnor deeply. His death had left a huge gap. Magnus had always appreciated his rational view of things, even if he never would have admitted it. 

Raphael had followed in his footsteps. But he replaced Ragnor's often somewhat philosophical way of thinking with sarcasm.

But Tessa gave no advice, she listened, asked the right questions, enabled Magnus to include the points of view of all parties without Tessa evaluating or judging them. In this way she had often led Magnus to solve his problems.

"Do you love him?" 

"Yes, despite everything, I still love him. More than anyone before. No matter what I do, I keep thinking about him. But that doesn't matter, because it doesn't make this situation easier."

"Why not?" Tessa asked in her calm manner. She held out her glass to Magnus for a refill.

Magnus got up and went to his drink cart. He took this opportunity to think about his answer. "Because it is like that." or "Because I say so." wouldn't be accepted by Tessa as a response. 

"From the day I met him I knew one thing I could count on from him was absolute, total honesty. When we had dinner, we talked about trust. He promised to implement a policy of compete transparency. But he looked me in the eye and lied to me." 

Magnus was still with his back to Tessa. He was not ashamed to reveal his feelings to her. They had been beyond that point for centuries. He went to her, put her glass on the coffee table by the couch on which she was sitting, and sat down in his armchair again. 

"What was his reason? Did you ask him?" Tessa reached for her glass. She leaned forward with the glass in her hand, supporting her forearms on her thighs.

"He said, he just found out. That he wanted to prevent chaos." Magnus circled the clear liquid in his martini glass. "He was worried that if the Downworld found out, there'd be widespread panic, that it could've lead to a rebellion."

Tessa nodded in understanding. "His concern seems legitimate to me." 

Magnus snorted. Of course, Tessa did not take his side without further ado. 

"There's more, isn't there?" 

Magnus sighed. "I asked him if he did not trust me to stay quiet." 

"I know the answer to that." Tessa leaned back comfortably on the couch and took a long sip of her drink.

"Tessa, the Seelie Queen is our best, maybe even our only option. I can't risk a single downworder to die if Valentine's hands fall on the soul sword. As a High Warlock, I have a responsibility to my community ."

Tessa noticed that Magnus suddenly became remarkably silent. "What's going on, Magnus?" 

"It just occurred to me what else Alec said." Magnus emptied his glass and put it on the table.

Tessa gave him a moment before asking. "That seems to be bothering you."

"Alec didn't want to ask me to have to keep a secret from my own people," Magnus said softly. 

"That man really knows how to protect you from yourself."

In his current state of mind, Magnus didn't really appreciate Tessa's broad smile. It didn't distract him from pondering how selfless Alec acted once again. Alec had risked that Magnus would be upset, even react furiously, if he found out that the clave didn't have the soul sword. It was only a matter of time before Magnus would find out on his own, if Alec didn't confess to him beforehand.

"He was willing to sacrifice his happiness with me so I wasn't forced to hide this fact from the other Warlocks." Magnus fidged with the rings on his hands.

"Magnus, Alec is a Shadowhunter! It is his job, his responsibility to take care not only of the mundane world, but also of the whole shadow world. It isn't in his blood to behave differently. And with those you love, that counts twice."

"Oh, Alexander..." Magnus sighed softly. 

"The both of you can fix this. You belong together."

"Tessa, I also have an obligation and a responsibility towards the Warlocks and the Downworld. I have to do what is best for my community." It was no coincidence that he was the High Warlock of Brooklyn.

"And that means giving up your own happiness? Your future?" Tessa continued with a more gentle tone. "Magnus, may I ask you something?"

"Of course!"

"Could you imagine not to live with him?"

The look in Magnus' eyes broke Tessa's heart. "It's the other way around. Right now, the idea of being with him is more unbearable than my longing to have him with me. Despite my strong feelings for him."

"You know that will change at some point. You can't avoid him forever."

"And that brings us to our next problem. My eternity has a different period of time, even a different value, than his. I'm immortal." Magnus had often thought about this problem without seeing a solution. He was aware, he should talk to Alec about it. Or rather he should have talked to Alec about it. Was that even important now?

Tessa put her glass on the coffee table and patted the sofa beside her. "Come sit with me."

Magnus walked over to Tessa and sat next to her, one leg on the floor, one knee on the couch, facing her. Tessa shifted as well to be able to look at him.

"Tell me what's really on your mind." Tessa took Magnus' hand and squeezed it gently.

"Back then when you came to me, in Paris, after..." 

"You can pronounce it without hesitation: after Will died." Tessa smiled a little sadly.

"After Will died, I felt with you. I saw what love means, but also what its loss does to the one who stays behind. I was with immortals and also with mortals. But so far nobody has meant as much to me as Alexander. I once told him he had unlocked something in me."

Tessa smiled and nodded understandingly. She knew what Magnus was talking about. She had experienced it herself.

"I've seen what Will's death did to you, how much it took from you. The same would happen to me with Alec in 60, if I'm lucky, in 70 years."

"But it could be 70 wonderful years if you allow it. Even though the pain of losing him has almost killed me, I'm glad for every minute I spent with Will."

Magnus nodded. "Will was a wonderful person. I liked him very much. I'm still sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, Magnus. You helped me immensely back then. Losing him devastated me. Jem as well. And although we're a couple now, we both will never forget Will."

Magnus waved it off. It was a matter of course for him. "You found a new love. I couldn't imagine anyone better than Jem."

"I can't compare the relationship I had with Will to the one I have with Jem now. I loved both from the start, just as strong, just as long. I haven't stopped loving Will, neither did Jem."

"How do you cope with it? How are you both?" Magnus ran a thumb across the back of Tessa's hand. "We haven't talked about this topic in a long time."

"You know, grief is like a wave at low and high tide, it is sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker. Everyone has their individual phases of grief. But since we never have them at the same time, Jem and I are able to be there for each other, we can comfort each other, because this loss affects both of us." Tessa brushed back a strand of her hair. 

"We now speak of Will differently. Thinking of him doesn't hurt as much as before. I don't know who said that time heals all wounds. That's not true. The wounds don't heal. However, you learn to deal with the pain. It is no longer constantly present, but over time it blurs into the background. Until it hits you again like on the first day. But the intervals between these episodes are increasing steadily."

"I know what you mean. I've lost so many beloved friends. It's always different and yet always the same." 

Tessa tapped Magnus' hand with her index finger. "I know I have already asked you this, but I ask you again: Could you imagine not to live with him?"

Magnus looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath. "I don't want to imagine it. But someday I will have to. I am immortal and he is not."

"And when the time comes, I'll be there for you as you were for me." Tessa squeezed Magnus' hand again. With a sigh she continued: "Everything is over so quickly for mortals. I have learned to enjoy every moment."

A knock on the door interrupted Tessa.

Magnus stood up with a frown. "Excuse me."

Magnus went to answer the door. It wasn't long before he returned to the living room. 

"That was Alec. He needs me to seal a rift." The various opposing feelings that were fighting in Magnus were clearly evident on his face. 

Tessa got up. "What are you waiting for?"

Magnus nodded resolutely. Even though his relationship with Alec could be described as tense at the moment, he couldn't refuse to help him. He couldn't stand by and watch hundreds of mundane lose their lives and if he was honest he couldn't deny Alec's request. He knew that Alec's decision to ask him for help was not an easy one.

Tessa opened a portal to return home. "And be nice," she admonished Magnus before disappearing.

With the wave of his hand he cleaned up his living room. His critical gaze through his apartment remained attached to the photos that they had taken in Tokyo in a photo booth, which he had attached to a picture frame.

On the spur of the moment, he opened a portal to the institute. Alec needed him. And he couldn't lie to himself and say the opposite of himself. 

"Nothing easier than that," he convinced himself loudly before stepping through the portal.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry guys, that's the result of too much cheap eggnog. 😏  
> As an excuse, however, I can say that my mother needed it for baking and gave me the opened bottle. Well, the shelf life of this stuff is limited once it's open...


End file.
